she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
