worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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