Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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