My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
