I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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