she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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