im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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