U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
