It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
