I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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