I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
