dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
