She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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