3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
