i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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