U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
