it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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