just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
