You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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