You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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