Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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