I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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