I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me I should be a condom model.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
