he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So vagazzling was a success
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
