The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
