I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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