apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
