you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
