carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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