I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dick very happy bro
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
