There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
