Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
