I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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