Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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