careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
