Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
