Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
