he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
