So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
