Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
