we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
