you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
