I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
