I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
