god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
