So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
