On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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