he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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