I cannot find my penis.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
