he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
