I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
