His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
