Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
