I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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