why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
