literally had 100 drinks last night.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
