Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
