I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
