she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The air was thick with penises
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
