Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
