haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
