I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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