Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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