If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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