If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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