is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize