apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
