Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
