Tell her she can't have a vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
