I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
