my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
