Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize